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Today, my home theatre released a beautiful video called “Home” that one of our amazingly talented members (who is a wonderful friend) put together. The message is simple: we’re on hold now, but we’ll be back. You can view the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=_yX-Oh_aFLg&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR0e8i063ZMv-rLsGH1seNfVpr7BggIaojtzyr-O4oN8HODr-TQ-Yn_jjHM

The thought is the same throughout the theatre community, worldwide. We’re all dark now (not open, for those of you who don’t speak theatre) and we’re all trying to figure out what to do next to stay alive, to thrive, to be ready to welcome our patrons back with open arms as soon as it’s safe. We will be among the last to reopen, and rightfully so. Putting hundreds of people in close quarters together for hours is a really bad idea right now. We need to think about this, to restructure, to figure out our “for now” reality, and we are.

It’s tough. It’s tough for everyone, I know, but theatre is on my mind right now, so there it is.

We’ve been calling our season ticket holders just to touch base and to see if they’re okay. Everyone I have spoken to misses the theatre. They miss our shows and can’t wait to come back, although they want to be safe and want us to be safe as well. They understand and they’ve been lovely, asking about my own family and all.

I love my theatre. It’s my second home where I can do what I love and they accept me for who I am. I can be me. I love my theatre family and I miss them like crazy; I’ve met some of the most amazing people there who will be lifelong friends. I miss performing. I miss doing hair and makeup. I miss the energy of a show, there’s absolutely nothing like it in the world. I ALMOST miss hauling a bat-on-a-string across the stage and having it malfunction in more than one show, but that’s a story for another day. In the past, my theatre has probably, quite literally, helped to save my life. While the selfish part of me would love to throw those doors wide open right now and just pick up where we left off eight weeks ago, I know we can’t for a while. My heart hurts so much about this  sometimes.

BUT… we will be back. We will perform again. We will make people laugh, cry, question, and feel, again.

We will be back. I love you, family.

 

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zoom
/zo͞om/
verb
(especially of a car or aircraft) move or travel very quickly.
“we watched the fly zooming about”
2.
(of a camera) change smoothly from a long shot to a close-up or vice versa.
“the camera zoomed in for a close-up of his face”
noun
a camera shot that changes smoothly from a long shot to a close-up or vice versa.
“the zoom button”
exclamation
1. used to express sudden fast movement.
“then suddenly, zoom!, he’s off”
Google Dictionary
Two months ago, these were all of my definitions of the word zoom, but it has, in a very short time, become so much more.
If you work from home, you’re no doubt familiar with Zoom (capital Z), the video conferencing website. Companies and groups all over the world are using Zoom, and other video conferencing companies/apps like Google Meet or Facebook video calls, to conduct business and hold meetings while friends and family are using it to connect in this time of social distancing.
For this, I am profoundly grateful.
Now, I will stress this: it’s not the same. You can’t hug or kiss anyone, shake hands, fist bump, etc. You can’t whisper a secret in a friend’s ear or snuggle a new baby, but it’s better than nothing.
Here are some ways that I’ve been using video conferencing in the last 6 1/2 weeks.
  • An Easter video chat with Oldest Child and Amazing Girlfriend.
  • Weekly board meetings with my theatre. I’m not a big board meeting fan (even though it’s necessary), but it’s SO good to see and talk to my friends.
  • A long-overdue chat with my Italian bestie. We’ve never done that before, I’ve never been very comfortable with video chats, but we had a lovely time on Sunday. This will be a new normal, especially since she’s monitoring my work in Italian. ❤
  • Coloring (or whatever) nights with theatre peeps.
  • Sermon Chats with our church group, where we discuss all sorts of things theological and personal.
  • Check-ins with students. We were using Google Meet, but some students gave out their codes to others and there were some highly inappropriate things that went on, so we’re moving to a more secure platform.
  • Work meetings. I love my coworkers, they’re amazing people, and meetings that used to be a chore are now a joy.

This virus sucks, that’s for sure, but it would be a hell of a lot worse without this way to connect. I have had some dark times through this, to be sure, but I look forward to those times when I can have a semblance of normalcy.

How are you connecting these days?

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Exactly two months ago, the night of February 17, I was so excited. The next morning, I would board my plane to Boston and begin my mini-adventure in Salem.  I was packed and ready. barely able to fall asleep. I remember it well. At that point, COVID-19 was the furthest thing from my mind. Little did I know

Fast forward to now. It’s only been two months since my trip, but it seems like years ago. Travel isn’t even on the radar at the moment. There have been some really rough days, I’ll admit. Emotions have run the gamut: Fear, inspiration, hope, anger (this past week, especially), frustration, all ramped up due to the situation.

I’m trying not to let my OCD and anxiety run away with those negative emotions, going round and round in my brain for hours without stopping. It’s times like these when I seriously rethink my therapist’s offer of medication. I’m not going to lie, Wednesday was really difficult, watching people completely disregard safety regulations, getting out of cars and clumping together, with such ugliness, waving Confederate flags and white power signs that had nothing to do with what they were supposedly protesting. Just for the record, I believe in the right to peaceful protest; I do NOT believe that we have the right to put other people in danger by potentially exposing them to a deadly disease (including children, OMG!!! There were several children there!), clogging up streets and honking horns for EIGHT HOURS around a Level 1 trauma hospital where there are tons of sick people, children, and a maternity ward. WTF??? Seriously, what is wrong with people? Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. That’s all I’m going to say on that matter, so trolls, step off. Don’t even try to defend that mess,

That being said, there are many positive things about this social isolation episode that I am focusing on. Such as:

  • Family time. Youngest Child is a brilliant musician and he’s been teaching (forcing) me to learn piano chords. I can already read music, I sing and play the flute/piccolo/tin whistle, but my piano experience has been limited to very simple tunes. Now, I’m learning some really cool stuff. He’s also helping me with learning ukulele. I always wanted to play and, of course, he knows how. We’ve been watching a lot of movies as a family, eating dinner together every night, and playing games. Yes, we get tired of each other and need some alone time, but for the most part, I love spending more time with Marty and Youngest Child. (Oldest lives on his own now, two hours away, and Middle is in his apartment at school since he has better internet and still has an active lease.)
  • Sleeping in. We’re working, Marty teaches, too, but no more 6:00 am wake-up times for us. School starts when we want it to. We’re honestly working a lot of hours, more than we normally do, but we have sleep. Yay!
  • I’m writing regularly. I finished the yet-unnamed sequel to Traveler, began another book, and plan to begin editing (and naming) the sequel this week. I’m also writing a lot more blog posts, in case you haven’t noticed.
  • Languages. I’ve dusted off my Italian and French and am going full-force on Duolingo. It’s awesome. Future plans…
  • I’m starting my Shakespeare garden indoors with seeds. See my Shakespeare Garden post for more on that. It’s so cool, watching everything sprout!
  • Zoom meetings. Two months ago, I couldn’t have told you what Zoom was. Now I use it every day. It helps me to stay connected to my theatre family and my church family. I truly don’t know what I’d do without it. I even get to have my therapy appointment online, which is very much needed.

Now, with things looking a bit better with this stupid virus running its course, there’s a little light shining at the end of the tunnel, if people don’t screw it up and start a giant second wave. We (myself included) need to focus more on the positive, not to ignore the problems, but to keep things from getting very dark.

In the comments, share a positive with me, some bright spot in this dark time, no matter where in the world you are. I want to celebrate with you!

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I usually consider myself a pretty good sport. I play by the rules, accept my defeats (mostly), and shake them off. I’m not an obnoxious winner, only a little gloating, especially when I beat Marty in Jeopardy. Hey, if you beat Marty in Jeopardy you would gloat, too.

But I’m having trouble being a good sport right now. I’m a person who craves authenticity, realness, hands-on experiences and that’s not happening right now, nor is the possibility. I love the idea that zoos and museums are streaming live animal cams and virtual tours; I think that’s fabulous. These are things that I would normally watch and plan to visit, or put it on my wish list to visit, like the Louvre or the Bronx Zoo. But right now, I can’t and I don’t have the heart to watch.

There was a woman on the news yesterday, from somewhere in my area, who was supposed to leave for Hawaii yesterday, I think, with close friends. They had been planning the trip for seven years. Yep, seven. Of course, their trip was cancelled because of COVID-19 and so she made the best of it. She made several videos as if she were on the cruise, folding towels into animals, pretending that she was on the deck drinking lovely tropical drinks, wearing big, floppy, cruise hats. Of course, she was disappointed, but she really made an effort to turn it around.

A friend of mine posted a video of having Spring Break in her backyard with her kids, to the tune of “Vacation” by the Go Gos. It was adorable. It was so much fun to watch. I don’t know if she was actually planning on going anywhere for Spring Break, but if her plans were cancelled, she sure didn’t look defeated. I admire that.

I don’t have it in me to do that. I’m doing what I need to do, socially isolating, only going out for absolute necessities, staying as active as possible, but, damn, this sucks. I don’t have any immediate travel plans, just an overnight in Stratford, Ontario at the end of July. That’s still up in the air, whether that happens or not, but there’s hope. Right now, though, it feels like nothing good will ever happen again. I can’t watch those live streams because it’s not real. I’m not there, I’m not experiencing those things and, honestly, right now, it doesn’t feel like I will.

Now, there are some good things coming of this quarantine. Youngest Child has us all to himself and I get more impressed with him every day. He’s an amazing kid. He’s still messy, but one step at a time. I’ve been cleaning out closets and cupboards, throwing out useless things and preparing other things to donate. We have our health. We are still getting paid. We are still teaching. We have everything that we need, including toilet paper. We are fortunate beyond words, I know that. This is another thing to not point out to me. I get it. I’m not a good sport about this, I know, so please don’t tell me to look on the bright side or anything like that. Do you think I haven’t said that to myself? I am able to meet with dear friends for brunch and Coloring Night on Zoom, Tap Club on Facebook Live.   My theatre board meetings are on Zoom as well. Church, Sermon Chat,  and all of Holy Week are online. I may never go to church without my couch blanket again.

I’m not a good sport about this, I know, so please don’t tell me to look on the bright side or anything like that. Do you think I haven’t said that to myself? My inner Amanda Wingfield is coming out: “Nothing offends folks more than…” That being said, my theatre is still heavy on my mind, as well as all of our sister theatres. We’re all struggling to continue to do the thing we love. My show was cancelled, as well as many other shows. All of those dreams are gone. Honestly, theatre keeps me going through the year. It’s what I look forward to, what I need, and it’s not happening for the foreseeable future. The thought of not being able to even be in the building for months makes me anxious. I want my make-up room, the ghost light, the stage. I want to hug my friends who accept my weirdness, who love me for who I am. I can’t do that and I’m not okay.

I’ve always had a phobia about feeling trapped (let’s go back to childhood trauma, shall we?) and here I am: Trapped. Now, I do have a loving family to be trapped with, a killer garden planned, and neighbor cats who think they live here and bring other cats to visit. I can walk in my neighborhood. I’m freaking (desperately wanting to say the other word but won’t here) wanting to accept everything, to be at peace in my mind, but I’m not. I’m not. And I want you to know that it’s okay to say that, to not fool yourself into thinking that it’s not okay if you don’t feel that way. Be real with your feelings.

Will it ever be okay? Sure, someday. We’ll have a vaccine or a cure at some point. Things will open back up. We will, thank God, travel again, hug again, congregate again.

But right now, I’m not a good sport about it. I hate this. And that’s okay. It’s okay to not be okay.

 

 

 

 

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We’re 15 days into the COVID-19 craziness since everything started shutting down here in Michigan. Some thoughts I have.

Good Things:

  • Sleeping. Marty are I are working Monday through Friday and putting in longer hours than we do normally, just because everything has to be answered and checked online instead of verbally. Every student gets feedback and that’s tougher to do this way, but I don’t have to be up at 6:00 anymore. I can wake up and post things in my pajamas. I am already used to this.
  • No Student Behavior Issues. This is a fabulous thing. I haven’t had to yell at anyone in more than two weeks. I had one kid act up on a video conference and I just deleted him from the chat. Now that they know I record video conferences, everyone is on their best behavior.
  • Writing. I have time to write! In fact, I’ve almost finished my next book, a sequel to Traveler.
  • Yoga Pants and Leggings. I haven’t worn any other kind of pants for two weeks. I am comfy.
  • Gardening. As I wrote about last week, I’m making a Shakespeare garden and I’ve been able to get that all dug out, plus, I’m enlarging another one of my gardens and making it a spiral garden. It’s going to be awesome. Marty is still scared.
  • Music. Youngest Child regularly serenades us with beautiful piano music. He’s doing well under the circumstances and is channeling some of his cabin fever into music. It’s pretty awesome. (The music, not his cabin fever.)
  • Carry-Out. We are supporting local restaurants twice a week with carry-out. This is wonderful because not only does it get me out of the house and support a local business, I also hate cooking most of the time. It’s a win-win.
  • Deep Cleaning. This is a sort of good thing. I do not enjoy cleaning, but I do enjoy getting rid of clutter, which is necessary. This means that we won’t have to go through quite so much stuff when we move to London, whenever that is. Again, Marty is scared.
  • More Meditation Time. Very necessary.

Bad Things

  • People Are Dying. Seriously, scary amounts of people are dying from this, alone in overcrowded hospitals. Yes, I know that there are people who are recovering as well, and that’s awesome, but we also have never faced anything like this virus and the numbers jump higher every day. Yes, people die from the flu, but we have medicines and vaccines to help with that. We don’t for this virus that kills, percentage-wise, many more people than the flu. Don’t fluff this off.
  • Social Distancing. A necessary evil. I’m introverted, so I don’t regularly go out just to hang out with people, but I do enjoy going places, being out and about. Even my favorite trails in the woods are closed. Picking up local carry-out has become very exciting, even though people in line are standing very far apart and only one person goes into the restaurant at a time. It’s kind of a weird experience.
  • No Theatre/Church. Self explanatory. I miss my friends. I miss their hugs.
  • Scared Students. Kids are nervous. They miss school, they miss their routine and their friends. Hug your kids tightly, they need it.
  • PEOPLE WHO WON’T STAY AWAY FROM OTHER PEOPLE. Seriously, there are still people gathering in places and not paying attention. God forbid, they spread the virus to someone who will die from it. I get that they may not be worried about themselves, but really, how stupid can you be? People were having a full-on PARTY by my sister/cousin’s house a few days ago. C’mon. We’re all bored, we all want to  get together, but this is where maturity (or lack of) kicks in. Idiots. Batman Slapping Robin Meme - Imgflip

I hope all of my readers around the world are safe and sound. Wash your hands and stay home. If you’re any kind of essential worker, thank you, thank you, thank you. You are appreciated.

Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts with me. This is a global thing; let’s stay connected. Love you all.

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Today was a really difficult day emotionally (See my blog post “March 8”) but I’ve gotten through it. I twisted a few lines in the show today, but nothing too awful and I’m blaming that on the mental fog of the time change. I visited her garden and made plans for the coming springtime. Maybe a hummingbird feeder this year?

I’m surrounded by wonderful people who lift me up without even knowing it: my husband, my kids, my theatre mates, and for that I am thankful. Depression is an illness and I have tools to help me manage. This, too, shall pass. I can’t believe how much it still hurts, all this time later.

Rest, my little one. I feel you with me.

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There are little, beautiful, things that make me smile.

Baby belly laughs. Best thing ever. Hands down.

My husband’s hand on my back at night as we go to sleep.

A random text or Snapchat from one of my boys.

Snuggling with one of my boys.

Messaging with my cousins.

An email or message from Sabrina.

Someone being kind.

A hug between friends.

A silly rehearsal moment

Petting friendly kitties.

Petting any animal.

Random sappy things said by students.

Sunburst through the clouds.

Our Christmas tree, still lit on February 12, by choice.

Dimes.

The thought of being on an airplane, going somewhere.

A lovely quote.

Pictures from days gone by.

Good feedback from a director.

Ocean waves.

A warm, soul-squeezing passage in a book.

A most satisfying piece of a plastic bat. (Only some of you will get this.)

Time to write.

Snow with no snowblower noises.

What makes you smile?

 

 

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