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Posts Tagged ‘Ashley Madison’

So, the website, Ashley Madison has been hacked. Thousands of names have been released, pointing direct fingers at the cheaters, including Josh Duggar, eldest child of the now-infamous Duggar clan of TLC fame, among others. For those who haven’t seen the news in the last week, Ashley Madison is a website that matches up people who want to have affairs. Yes, the internet has made it even easier for cheaters to cheat. Yay. Not that it wasn’t easy for people to cheat before, but this website has contributed to breaking down families and enabling bad behavior.

Now, a website, as despicable as its premise is, is not to blame for people cheating on their spouses. Cheating is a conscious choice, a CHOICE, not an accident, and the person who did the cheating is in the wrong. But I have a huge problem with those who see nothing wrong with cheating and who create technology not only to enable it, but to make it easier. Really? Let’s think about this.

People go into marriage with the romantic, but stupid, idea that it will all be happily ever after, that things will be perfect, that he will settle down, that she will grow up a little, but that isn’t ever the case. Realistically, marriage takes work in order to be successful. It gets boring at times. Your spouse will annoy you. You will annoy your spouse. After almost nineteen years, I know I drive Marty Man absolutely crazy with my OCD about the house, the way I leave the hose out after watering the lawn, or my big dreams of the future. He drives me nuts in a variety of ways, including when he makes five graham crackers with peanut butter instead of nice, even, numbers like four or six. (Seriously, why not an even number???) When things get boring or frustrating, we grow together as a couple, by communicating and trying new things or by giving each other space. It took us time to learn that, we went through lots of growing pains and it brought us closer together, but many allow those situations to drive them further apart, sometimes into the arms of people outside of the marriage, and that’s a shame. Look at it this way. If you are legally married, you spoke vows of some sort, in front of witnesses, to love, honor, and cherish, not to sneak around behind your spouse’s back and have a fling because things get boring after a while. If you are in any kind of committed relationship, you owe it to your partner to be honest. Having an affair means lying, whether by omission or deliberately deception. You lose all credibility and intergrity in that equation.

If you are married and unhappy, there are some choices to make. If your marriage or relationship is simply unbearable or there’s abuse of any kind, you need to leave. For your health and safety, get out and get yourself some help while you’re at it. If there’s a chance of fixing your marriage, there are a variety of things you can do. See a marriage counselor, take time alone with your spouse, read some books about the subject, do some introspective soul-searching, whatever, but DO NOT CHEAT ON YOUR PARTNER! Cheating breaks every vow, every modicum of trust and respect that your spouse has for you. The effects can be devastating: broken families, unwanted pregnancies, STDs, and having to sneak around on a daily basis. Affairs always get found out, maybe not right away, but somewhere down the line, something will slip. Why would you want to give your life partner, someone who you claimed to love above all others, that kind of pain and suffering? I love what Dr. Phil said about marriage. I’m paraphrasing, but basically, he said that if you wouldn’t do something without your partner standing right there, you shouldn’t be doing it. That’s something that has stayed with me for years.

The point is this: don’t cheat. I am glad that Ashley Madison was hacked, if only for the simple fact that it strikes their myth of “discretion” down. People are being held accountable right now and, yes, there are people hurting right now. It sucks. How do you want people to remember you? That you acted with honor, dignity, and respect, or that you were a liar who broke your vows in order to satisfy a selfish urge in a moment of weakness?

I hope that the owners of Ashley Madison and other sites like it see the light someday. I hope that they understand the damage that they’ve done and try to make amends, but I doubt that will happen. The almighty dollar is worth more than our integrity these days. As long as people have weak moments, they will continue to seek satisfaction elsewhere, when they really should be looking inside themselves. It doesn’t have to be that way. We can choose to be better than that, to put those sites out of business, to think twice about pursuing that person that looks so exciting, and to remember what’s really important: our loved ones.

Love each other.

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