The First Day of School

Tomorrow is the first day of public school where I live. For the first time in many years, we will not be sending any of our kids to school.

We took the “baby” up to college yesterday, he’s on his own schedule now. Our older two are out of college. I am no longer a teacher, having changed jobs last January. My husband, the math teacher, is the only one attending the first day of school tomorrow.

I’m seeing all of the posts on social media from friends who are parents, teachers, or both. It’s a mixture of excitement and stress, especially in this pandemic atmosphere. I truly am happy for those who are ready to go back. I have friends and family who are absolutely brilliant, amazing, teachers who love what they do and are raring to welcome their students to the 2021-22 school year.

At the same time, with the exception of one teaching nightmare, I am relieved this August. The dread that usually builds up in my gut about attending pointless professional development (I NEVER have to ‘unpack the (same) standards’ ever, ever again.), getting that kid in my class, or girding up to be a police officer in the hallway no longer exists.

Disclaimer: Before anyone says anything about my dread about getting ‘that kid’, please keep your opinions to yourself. I know ‘that kid’ has problems that should probably be worked on in a professional environment, but the reality is ‘that kid’ in a class of 30+ is going to demand most of the teacher’s attention with their behavior. Schools are not given the resources and teachers are not given the time to properly work with ‘that kid’s’ issues, so while I always felt for ‘that kid’, my stomach would clench when their names would appear because I also felt for the other kids and I knew that it could be a rough year. There were often more than one. Don’t get me started…

The point being, I am supporting my teacher friends, including my husband, 100% tomorrow and for the whole school year. They are rock stars, they are amazing. I know what they’re up against and they need the support of the entire world.

I wish the students and parents a wonderful year.

And…

I feel so very relieved that tomorrow is not my first day of school.

Read Full Post »

Seven Weeks After Teaching

This article was originally published on Medium. Here’s the link to the original: https://julieballantynebrown-68872.medium.com/seven-weeks-after-teaching-aadf5bbcac3a

Seven weeks ago I left my secure teaching position and started a new job adventure. I had a really good spot in a district, did fairly well at the actual teaching part, and loved the people I worked with. I had a great administrator.

The problem? A lot of things that I won’t dwell on too much, because then it becomes whinging and whining, and that’s not what I want this to be.

Working 60+ hours a week sucks, especially when you don’t get paid for that time.I know many teachers who have a passion for teaching and all that comes with it, but even then, they put far too many hours into work than are fair. They live school all day, almost every day, searching out Pinterest themes for bulletin boards at all hours, designing virtual Bitmoji classrooms on the weekends, and crafting diverse, complex assignments to fit the highest levels of Bloom’s taxonomy. Those people are born teachers, but many of them are tired and overextended. I couldn’t do it anymore.

I love working and being useful, but I also want to leave work at work, during work hours. I resented, really resented, having to do work on what was supposed to be my own time and it was constant. I felt like I could never get out from under the weight of the never-ending papers-planning-staff meetings-content area PLC meetings-parent meetings-grade level PLC meetings-MTSS meetings, and then there was the actual teaching to do, which I was actually pretty good at. I was exhausted all the time and my depression was always on the verge of getting the best of me.

There were definite payoffs, though, some wonderful students who I genuinely love, and who I loved teaching. I’ll always remember them, but I don’t want to teach anymore. Those students are good memories.

I worked with some really fabulous people over the years: teachers, teaching assistants, administrators, paraprofessionals, secretaries, and custodial staff. I learned a lot from my coworkers and I met some really beautiful souls that really cared about what they were doing. Our kids will be better because of them.

I also worked with people who should never have become teachers or who were completely burned out and should have left years before. That’s what was happening to me and I didn’t want to be that person.

I love my new job. I love the staff, I love the people, and I’m really enjoying what I do. There are good challenges there, not impossible ones, and I can leave work at work. It was a great move, if a bit scary, but I’m so glad and grateful to be where I am. I’m happy.

At the end of the day, I did what was right for me. Teaching will always be an important time in my life, but it was time to go. Sometimes you have to do that in life, even if it means a big change.

You might be really glad you did.

Read Full Post »

Words Leave Scars, Especially On Kids

Click here for my new Medium article!

https://julieballantynebrown-68872.medium.com/words-leave-scars-especially-on-kids-ba79d5361085

Read Full Post »

A Year Ago…

A year ago in November, I was cast in a new play. I was excited.

I studied my lines sitting at a high-top table with a too-hot cup of Earl Grey in a tiny, crowded, Starbucks on Woodward Avenue in Midtown Detroit while Youngest Child rehearsed at the DSO across the street.

I was getting ready for Thanksgiving, planning the food and getting ready to go on a cleaning binge in anticipation of guests.

There would be a break from school for a few days, our first since August, thank God.

My life was full and busy, just the way I like it.

Was I happy? In many ways, in most of the ways that count. Depression is its own ugly beast, but last November, from what I remember, was pretty good aside from my usual major stressors, i.e. work.

This November? I’m teaching from home. I have been, since March 16. While aspects of it are difficult and horribly tedious, I don’t hate it. No child has openly defied me in almost a year. Disruptive student? Remove them from Zoom. Problem solved.

My theatre has a good, solid, safe, plan to ease back into performances, streaming at first and playing it by ear. We’re so very lucky to have a nurse-practitioner on our board who gives us trustworthy advice and is heavily involved in our reopening plan. I am so very grateful that there is hope.

But… I want normal back. I want people to stop whining about their ‘freedom’, wear a damn mask, and socially distance. We’ve done our part, but others haven’t and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t angry. Just today, as I was in the check-out line, a guy walked into Rite-Aid with no mask, smirking like an asshole, just looking for someone to say something to him. (Stronger language is called for here, but I will defer to the comfort of my more sensitive readers. Understand that, in my head, I have called him every vile name I can think of.) I gave him the dirtiest look I could, but didn’t say anything in the hopes that store management would. I left in the next few minutes, my transaction complete. In retrospect, I wish I had, even though he was a large man and I am… not. I’m ashamed, actually. I should have said something and not let his size, demeanor, or stupid arrogant face intimidate me. Something to work on. Maybe martial arts for self-defense is a good idea. I also forgot that I had pepper spray in my bag. Note to self.

We cancelled our Thanksgiving, so that we all had a better chance of being here next year. We’re dropping dinner off for Marty’s mom. Next year, we’re going to do it up right.

We also cancelled Christmas, outside the family in the house. It all kind of sucks.

I want to walk into a crowded restaurant again with no bigger fear than catching a cold. (I get my flu shot every year and I will damn sure get my COVID shot when it’s available.) I want hug my family again, specifically Oldest Child and Very Serious Girlfriend. I want to learn lines for a show that’s not rehearsed on Zoom/socially distanced. I want to perform on stage in front of an actual audience.

I want my life back.

Wear a (insert favorite adjective here) mask and don’t be a (adjective) jackass. You can probably guess my adjectives.

Read Full Post »

Head In The Clouds

Click here to read my new article on Medium!

https://julieballantynebrown-68872.medium.com/head-in-the-clouds-6f6e8b2291b2?sk=656337b8584108984e57dcb976b7562c

Read Full Post »

New Parenting Article On Medium

Here’s the link to my new article on Medium!

View at Medium.com

View at Medium.com

Read Full Post »

Networking

The school year just ended, so I’m using this time to write and to become more visible as an author. I’ve written two articles on Medium so far, please check them out. Heck, you could even become a fan if you really wanted to! Here are the links:

https://medium.com/@julieballantynebrown_68872/online-teaching-during-a-pandemic-aea0e159bf90

https://medium.com/@julieballantynebrown_68872/faith-426322259857

Thanks! You are all awesome!

Read Full Post »

Do You Zoom?

zoom

/zo͞om/

verb

1.

(especially of a car or aircraft) move or travel very quickly.

“we watched the fly zooming about”

2.

(of a camera) change smoothly from a long shot to a close-up or vice versa.

“the camera zoomed in for a close-up of his face”

noun

a camera shot that changes smoothly from a long shot to a close-up or vice versa.

“the zoom button”

exclamation

1. used to express sudden fast movement.

“then suddenly, zoom!, he’s off”

– Google Dictionary

Two months ago, these were all of my definitions of the word zoom, but it has, in a very short time, become so much more.

If you work from home, you’re no doubt familiar with Zoom (capital Z), the video conferencing website. Companies and groups all over the world are using Zoom, and other video conferencing companies/apps like Google Meet or Facebook video calls, to conduct business and hold meetings while friends and family are using it to connect in this time of social distancing.

For this, I am profoundly grateful.

Now, I will stress this: it’s not the same. You can’t hug or kiss anyone, shake hands, fist bump, etc. You can’t whisper a secret in a friend’s ear or snuggle a new baby, but it’s better than nothing.

Here are some ways that I’ve been using video conferencing in the last 6 1/2 weeks.

• An Easter video chat with Oldest Child and Amazing Girlfriend.
• Weekly board meetings with my theatre. I’m not a big board meeting fan (even though it’s necessary), but it’s SO good to see and talk to my friends.
• A long-overdue chat with my Italian bestie. We’ve never done that before, I’ve never been very comfortable with video chats, but we had a lovely time on Sunday. This will be a new normal, especially since she’s monitoring my work in Italian. ❤
• Coloring (or whatever) nights with theatre peeps.
• Sermon Chats with our church group, where we discuss all sorts of things theological and personal.
• Check-ins with students. We were using Google Meet, but some students gave out their codes to others and there were some highly inappropriate things that went on, so we’re moving to a more secure platform.
• Work meetings. I love my coworkers, they’re amazing people, and meetings that used to be a chore are now a joy.

This virus sucks, that’s for sure, but it would be a hell of a lot worse without this way to connect. I have had some dark times through this, to be sure, but I look forward to those times when I can have a semblance of normalcy.

How are you connecting these days?

Read Full Post »

Positives

Exactly two months ago, the night of February 17, I was so excited. The next morning, I would board my plane to Boston and begin my mini-adventure in Salem.  I was packed and ready. barely able to fall asleep. I remember it well. At that point, COVID-19 was the furthest thing from my mind. Little did I know

Fast forward to now. It’s only been two months since my trip, but it seems like years ago. Travel isn’t even on the radar at the moment. There have been some really rough days, I’ll admit. Emotions have run the gamut: Fear, inspiration, hope, anger (this past week, especially), frustration, all ramped up due to the situation.

I’m trying not to let my OCD and anxiety run away with those negative emotions, going round and round in my brain for hours without stopping. It’s times like these when I seriously rethink my therapist’s offer of medication. I’m not going to lie, Wednesday was really difficult, watching people completely disregard safety regulations, getting out of cars and clumping together, with such ugliness, waving Confederate flags and white power signs that had nothing to do with what they were supposedly protesting. Just for the record, I believe in the right to peaceful protest; I do NOT believe that we have the right to put other people in danger by potentially exposing them to a deadly disease (including children, OMG!!! There were several children there!), clogging up streets and honking horns for EIGHT HOURS around a Level 1 trauma hospital where there are tons of sick people, children, and a maternity ward. WTF??? Seriously, what is wrong with people? Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. That’s all I’m going to say on that matter, so trolls, step off. Don’t even try to defend that mess,

That being said, there are many positive things about this social isolation episode that I am focusing on. Such as:

• Family time. Youngest Child is a brilliant musician and he’s been teaching (forcing) me to learn piano chords. I can already read music, I sing and play the flute/piccolo/tin whistle, but my piano experience has been limited to very simple tunes. Now, I’m learning some really cool stuff. He’s also helping me with learning ukulele. I always wanted to play and, of course, he knows how. We’ve been watching a lot of movies as a family, eating dinner together every night, and playing games. Yes, we get tired of each other and need some alone time, but for the most part, I love spending more time with Marty and Youngest Child. (Oldest lives on his own now, two hours away, and Middle is in his apartment at school since he has better internet and still has an active lease.)
• Sleeping in. We’re working, Marty teaches, too, but no more 6:00 am wake-up times for us. School starts when we want it to. We’re honestly working a lot of hours, more than we normally do, but we have sleep. Yay!
• I’m writing regularly. I finished the yet-unnamed sequel to Traveler, began another book, and plan to begin editing (and naming) the sequel this week. I’m also writing a lot more blog posts, in case you haven’t noticed.
• Languages. I’ve dusted off my Italian and French and am going full-force on Duolingo. It’s awesome. Future plans…
• I’m starting my Shakespeare garden indoors with seeds. See my Shakespeare Garden post for more on that. It’s so cool, watching everything sprout!
• Zoom meetings. Two months ago, I couldn’t have told you what Zoom was. Now I use it every day. It helps me to stay connected to my theatre family and my church family. I truly don’t know what I’d do without it. I even get to have my therapy appointment online, which is very much needed.

Now, with things looking a bit better with this stupid virus running its course, there’s a little light shining at the end of the tunnel, if people don’t screw it up and start a giant second wave. We (myself included) need to focus more on the positive, not to ignore the problems, but to keep things from getting very dark.

In the comments, share a positive with me, some bright spot in this dark time, no matter where in the world you are. I want to celebrate with you!

Read Full Post »

COVID-19 Day 15

We’re 15 days into the COVID-19 craziness since everything started shutting down here in Michigan. Some thoughts I have.

Good Things:

• Sleeping. Marty are I are working Monday through Friday and putting in longer hours than we do normally, just because everything has to be answered and checked online instead of verbally. Every student gets feedback and that’s tougher to do this way, but I don’t have to be up at 6:00 anymore. I can wake up and post things in my pajamas. I am already used to this.
• No Student Behavior Issues. This is a fabulous thing. I haven’t had to yell at anyone in more than two weeks. I had one kid act up on a video conference and I just deleted him from the chat. Now that they know I record video conferences, everyone is on their best behavior.
• Writing. I have time to write! In fact, I’ve almost finished my next book, a sequel to Traveler.
• Yoga Pants and Leggings. I haven’t worn any other kind of pants for two weeks. I am comfy.
• Gardening. As I wrote about last week, I’m making a Shakespeare garden and I’ve been able to get that all dug out, plus, I’m enlarging another one of my gardens and making it a spiral garden. It’s going to be awesome. Marty is still scared.
• Music. Youngest Child regularly serenades us with beautiful piano music. He’s doing well under the circumstances and is channeling some of his cabin fever into music. It’s pretty awesome. (The music, not his cabin fever.)
• Carry-Out. We are supporting local restaurants twice a week with carry-out. This is wonderful because not only does it get me out of the house and support a local business, I also hate cooking most of the time. It’s a win-win.
• Deep Cleaning. This is a sort of good thing. I do not enjoy cleaning, but I do enjoy getting rid of clutter, which is necessary. This means that we won’t have to go through quite so much stuff when we move to London, whenever that is. Again, Marty is scared.
• More Meditation Time. Very necessary.

Bad Things

• People Are Dying. Seriously, scary amounts of people are dying from this, alone in overcrowded hospitals. Yes, I know that there are people who are recovering as well, and that’s awesome, but we also have never faced anything like this virus and the numbers jump higher every day. Yes, people die from the flu, but we have medicines and vaccines to help with that. We don’t for this virus that kills, percentage-wise, many more people than the flu. Don’t fluff this off.
• Social Distancing. A necessary evil. I’m introverted, so I don’t regularly go out just to hang out with people, but I do enjoy going places, being out and about. Even my favorite trails in the woods are closed. Picking up local carry-out has become very exciting, even though people in line are standing very far apart and only one person goes into the restaurant at a time. It’s kind of a weird experience.
• No Theatre/Church. Self explanatory. I miss my friends. I miss their hugs.
• Scared Students. Kids are nervous. They miss school, they miss their routine and their friends. Hug your kids tightly, they need it.
• PEOPLE WHO WON’T STAY AWAY FROM OTHER PEOPLE. Seriously, there are still people gathering in places and not paying attention. God forbid, they spread the virus to someone who will die from it. I get that they may not be worried about themselves, but really, how stupid can you be? People were having a full-on PARTY by my sister/cousin’s house a few days ago. C’mon. We’re all bored, we all want to  get together, but this is where maturity (or lack of) kicks in. Idiots.

I hope all of my readers around the world are safe and sound. Wash your hands and stay home. If you’re any kind of essential worker, thank you, thank you, thank you. You are appreciated.

Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts with me. This is a global thing; let’s stay connected. Love you all.

Read Full Post »